I am a slacker

So, I’m totally going to have a new post soon.  And by soon I mean maybe tomorrow but probably next week.  Or the week after.  Yes, I suck, but my life has kind of been jostled around a bunch in the past couple weeks, so blogging has taken a back burner.  The best way I can describe the way I’ve been feeling is that it’s like a gaggle of leprechauns has taken my brain hostage and refuses to let any information in or out.  Because leprechauns are jerks.

Also, my next post involves a horse.  Oh my god, now you’re on the edge of your seat!  Horses!  AWESOME.  Try to contain your excitement – do not die from anticipation.  You’ll want to be alive to see this post.

Thanks for reading my words.  Love all around.  Also, here’s a picture of Harry Potter I drew several years ago…..just ’cause:

five reasons I probably shouldn’t drink

1.  I try to claim wild creatures as my pets.

2. I (usually accidentally) make people feel bad about themselves.

3. I get destructive in totally lame ways.

4.  I forget that I am physically un-fit and that the only strenuous activity I participate in is putting my tight jeans on in the morning.

5.  POOR.  DECISIONS.  IN GENERAL.

holes in my logic

I am what some may call common sense deficient. All through school I was mostly a straight-A student, so I have the book smarts down. But when it comes to performing tasks and making decisions like a normal, well-functioning human being, I am always a few steps behind.

Take for instance, the time I was roaming my house being bored, probably pretending to be a witch or hiding my beanie babies or seeing how many things I could fit in my mouth, when I discovered a single hole punch lying around. Just for context – I wasn’t a teenager at this point, but I was most certainly not a tiny child. (Okay, I WAS tiny, and remain so, but my height is not relevant to this particular story.) I was probably in the 10-11 year old range.

When I was young, I thought the “cool” kids were sooo lame (probably because I was too much of an ugly duckling to be one – that, and I’d always rather be by myself building a fort in my closet than out playing stick ball or whatever the hell kind of group activities kids did those days). I’d purposefully do what I considered “outrageous” things, so that the cool kids would know that I was fully aware and proud of the fact that I was an oddball and had no desire to fit my square-pegged self into their circular lame-o hole of a clique. That sounds a little dirty.

These “outrageous” things I’d do, in retrospect, were about as outrageous as seeing a 97 year old man in a nursing home – things like wearing two COMPLETELY DIFFERENT KINDS OF SOCKS! @#*%!$&! How was I able to CONTAIN the amount of awesome within me??! So, when I found the single hole punch, I was struck by a brilliant idea! It was going to be sooo rad – something the likes of junior high had never seeeen!…..

at the office

You think I can’t make awkward on the first day at the new job? Think again!

filing is fun

ummm...

this may be why I have no friends

For the record, what I WANTED to say was something along the lines of — “Why yes, it’s quite understandable to me why you’d keep your files that way.  I like to be steadfast in my attention to detail as well.”

Whose brilliant idea was it to give me vocal chords?